Jersey Jokes
by Plumcot
Summary: New Jersey has always been the brunt of the joke in her family. Having been made fun of her entire life, she's learned to deal for the most part; mainly by cussing so loud she drowns out the teasing. But what happens when New York and California go too far? Rated T for language.


America sat at the kitchen table, a small pile of chocolate chips dumped out in front of them. Across the table from him was Hawaii, who was currently trying to sneak one of them to her mouth.

"Ah ah!" America scolded, stopping the girl with the chip midway to her mouth. "You only get a piece when…?"

Hawaii sighed, putting down the chip. "When I get an answer right."

"That's right. Now, say you have three chocolate chips in your little stash." He picked up three chips, and placed them in front of the girl. "Can you tell me – without using your fingers – how many you'd have if I gave you five?"

"Eight!" Hawaii said, smiling.

"Good job! And guess how many you get to eat?"

"Eight?"

"Right again! You go, girl!" America grinned as she scooped up the chips, throwing them all in her mouth with no thought to savoring them. As teaching methods went, this one wasn't exactly the healthiest. But, America figured, the girl deserved a treat for letting him subject her to all these horrible numbers. Just because he knew his kids would need math didn't mean he thought it'd go down easy.

All of a sudden, both nation and state jumped in their seats as a loud slam was heard from upstairs. "What the…" America muttered. He didn't have to wait long for an explanation, though, as he heard footsteps coming his way, and pretty soon New York was hovering in the kitchen doorway, biting his lip and looking at the floor. "New York?" America prompted. "Is there something you have to tell me?"

"I, um… I was kinda teasing New Jersey…"

"Again? What have I told you? You mess with the bull, and you-"

"Mess with the bull and you get the horns, I know, dad." New York finished for him. "It's just… I think I might've gone a little too far."

"Oh, no…" America stood, walking toward the door. "New York, could you stay here with Hawaii?"

"Um… what do I do?"

"If I come back and less than three quarters of the chocolate chips are gone, I'll call it a win." America called over his shoulder as he walked out of the room and up the stairs. As soon as he got up on the landing, he found California there, leaning against the wall outside New Jersey's room.

"It's really bad this time." She said when she saw America, confirming his worst fears.

"What did he even do?"

"Well, um… it wasn't just him."

America sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Okay, what did who do?"

"I kinda started it. I was just teasing her, right? Little sister stuff. I cracked that old stupid Jersey joke about the hunters and shit… and then New York stepped in and started telling more… and then, um… he tried to do an impression of her."

"Oh great… you know what, I'll deal with you guys later. Lemme guess, she locked herself in?" California nodded, and America stepped over to the door, shooing the western state away. "New Jersey?" America called, rapping on the door. If he listened close, he could hear a soft sniffling coming from inside. "New Jersey, I just want to talk. Can I please come in?"

"Why? You're j-just gonna make fun of me, any-w-way!" New Jersey said through the door, voice wavering.

"I promise I won't, honey. Really."

There was a moment of silence. And then he heard a click, and the door opened just a tad to reveal a scowling New Jersey, her face streaked with tears.

"Jersey!" California said. "Look, sis, I'm really-"

"I'm not talking to you." New Jersey said. "Just dad." She opened the door just wide enough for her father to step in, and closed it immediately after him.

America wandered over to her bed and sat down, patting the space next to him. She took the hint and joined the nation, staring down at the floor.

"Are you feeling okay?" America asked.

And then the floodgates opened. "No! No, of course I'm not feeling okay! Not when I have those… those _assholes _as siblings!" New Jersey's fists clenched, her eyes shut tight. "It's not fair! Every one of them – every _single damn one of them – _has shitty industrial areas just like I do! Why do they have to single me out, huh? Why do they have to take shots at me on their TV shows, and make me the punchline of all their jokes!? And that accent! That _stupid fucking accent that's all New York's fucking fault! I WISH THEY WOULD ALL JUST FUCKING DIE!"_

By now she was shuddering, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. America put his arm over her shoulders, letting her burrow into his side and waiting as she let all her sobs out.

Finally she finished, leaving a soaked patch on her father's shirt as she pulled away, wiping at her eye with her hand. "This is stupid…" She muttered.

"What do you mean?" America asked.

"Crying… over a shitty little thing like that… s'fucking stupid…"

"Hey, hey, don't say that!" America said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You should never call your feelings stupid, honey! And you're right, they shouldn't be so hard on you, and I'm going to have a very serious talk with both of them. Especially New York."

"Psh… even you agree, huh? Fuckin' asshole…"

America smiled softly. "But New Jersey, you gotta remember; just because they tease you doesn't mean they hate you. They might take it too far sometimes, but deep down they love you just the same. Trust me."

America was expecting to hear a violent denial. Maybe a jab at New York's moral integrity. But instead New Jersey turned to him, and asked; "How do you know?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you know how much of an asshole I am to Mattie sometimes?" New Jersey gave a short little laugh, and he had to laugh with her. "Not that he doesn't get me back every once in a while… and heck, have you seen how me and Arthur treat each other? But in the end we're family, and we love each other. And I guarantee New York and Cali and all the rest feel the same deep down."

Just then, they heard the creaking of hinges, and looked up to see New York and California peeking in through the doorway.

"Hey, um, New Jersey?" New York said. "Are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay, asshole?" New Jersey shot, making her brother flinch.

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, okay? And, yeah, I was being an asshole…"

"Same here." California agreed. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, I've got about a million jokes about plastic boobs and Hollywood you can totally use on me."

New York chuckled. "Yeah, believe it or not I've got a pretty long list too. If we're gonna take shots at each other, might as well make it a fair fight, right?"

New Jersey smiled despite herself, wiping away the last remnant of tears from her cheek. "Hey, make good on those promises and I'll forgive anything."

New York lifted both eyebrows. "Really? It's seriously that easy?"

"Do you really want me to up the price? How 'bout a signed-"

"Oh, please." California scoffed, stepping aside as New Jersey walked through the door. "I know what you were about to say, and practically everything in your room is already signed by either Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi."

"Hey, I could always use a new set of sheets…"

America smiled, listening to their banter get quieter as they headed down the stairs. Not that it would last, but it was nice to have peace in the house.

As it turned out, he was right; it didn't last.

"Daaaddddyyy!" Hawaii called from downstairs.

America stood up in a hurry, making his way down the staircase. "What is it, honey?" He stopped in the kitchen to see Hawaii, sitting there with the entire back of chocolate chips in her hand (he thought he'd hid that?) and her hand clutching her stomach. "I feel pukey…" She moaned.

America groaned, snatching the bag out of her hand and coaxing her out of the chair. "Come on, let's get you to the toilet…"

_"__Note to self; next time, don't leave New York in charge."_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: This fic has been in my head for a while, and yesterday I just kind of... wrote it. XD In like half an hour. Somehow I feel like I should stop making my home state into such a victim... XD Maybe some friendly, sisterly NJ and Cali? (Broship!) Or even - what the heck - a scene without NY being a total douche? XD Maybe, maybe... yes, I'm biased, so what? XD<strong>

**Fun fact; the whole "you mess with the bull, you get the horns" line? My dad used to say that aaaaall the time. Like, seriously. Still does, sometimes. America became my father there for a second. XD**


End file.
